Those of you that know me, know how much I despise people being inside my business without my permission. I have the personality of a locked book with about 6 different passwords when it comes to 95% of things that go on in my personal life....On occasion it's necessary to speak of these things....in particular to dispel (or confirm) rumors one way or another.
In the usual manner, I'm not going to give specifics....but there are things I should say.
a. Yes, the constant pestering (by some, not all) has been noticed. I've been listening to everyone saying you should go back to seminary...I've heard many say, I think you have a vocation still...I've given them prayer and consideration....I have told my SD about these things, and I've been given advice about this situation. I even mentioned an incompleteness that I felt in my last situation, even though I felt the temptations that came with seminary, I nonetheless was at peace in spite of the temptations that came....Of course I said I will prayerfully consider these "tugs" at my heart and what they mean.
b. What you may have not known is that I already had in my mind breathing with both lungs of the Church when I went into seminary. God willing of course I was planning to celebrate both the Roman Liturgy and the Byzantine Liturgy. I have love for both traditions of the Church, although a lot has changed for me spiritually in these past few years to say the least. (As you know, my primary parish of assistance is the Ruthenian parish in Anaheim)
c. But to say that I'm not still hurt over what happened previously would be an understatement....and I'm no where near healed enough to even consider applying at this point. (Plus I'd like to pay off the strings to the government (aka student loans)...A lot of scars are still relatively fresh for me, and those of you that know me, know I take a long time to heal from situations. (I'm either hurt, or not, there is no in between). There are other things that need to be taken care of too.
d. What has changed is that my heart primarily wishes to serve the Byzantine Church. Reflecting upon my time where I was the reader at Ss Cyril and Methodius in Spokane, I realized how much I miss that particular portion of my spirituality. As such I'm un-retiring from altar service, and I will be serving at the altar during the Byzantine Liturgy. (I still MC and serve the TLM from time to time)....to start being even more intimate with the Divine Liturgy (as if I wasn't already).....
e. I ask that you pray for me, and pray hard for me. I don't apologize for not being public about these things...because I absolutely wanted to be definitely sure before I decided to go public with this.....