Of nightmares still lived.

As I warned ahead of time, I said that this year was going to be a long year for me. There are 10 year anniversaries of things that aren't so special in my life. I'm only going to talk about one of them.

The order of magnitude of EM force is 100 000 000 000 000 000 000 times greater than the gravity force. That is to say the EM force is a whole lot stronger than anything gravity has an excuse to put up with.

You may ask, why in the world am I discussing physics in a nightmare? I'm a physicist, so a nightmare about physics wouldn't make sense. In that sense you are right. But I am using as an analogy.

There are some people that I let into my life a bit closer than others. I tell them more, and as a result, they are more strongly attached to me. It is much harder to let these people go, or change the status quo, than someone who is on the outside of those people that I let in.

It still haunts me the fact that my ex best friend and I aren't talking. It's been 10 years. I've tried out reach, mostly through writing, to be completely ignored. It hurts the fact that I don't exist. It hurts the fact that she took advantage of me. It hurts the fact that she lied to me. It hurts the fact that she wasn't there for me when I needed her. It hurts the fact that she didn't see I was acting differently on purpose. It hurts the fact we haven't reconciled, though we have said cordial greetings once in a while. It hurts the fact that every time I think of her, I think of the one time she hurt me over the good memories that we have. It hurts me the fact that she's dating an ex friend. And what hurts the most is the fact that she's still in my thoughts. She still haunts me. (Mention her name, and I will hurt you)

So, in this nightmare...I ask out one of my dearest friends. She turns into said ex best friend and repeats the same words she wrote to me "I hate you, you're annoying,..." I woke up screaming (well, in my head anyway). Such is a paradox in my life: I've been hit by a car, I've lost my mom, aunt, grandma within 3 years of each other, I almost died when I was a kid twice, and I fear asking out my best friend. I often joke it takes a ton to scare me. The normal means of freaking me out don't work. Takes something out the ordinary.

I write this first and foremost that you will pray for me to overcome the will of my enemies. It is the Enemy that keeps bringing these things to my mind.

Secondly, I write this that you may keep my vocation in your prayers...whatever it happens to be.

Thirdly, I ask you to pray for this ex best friend, that she will desire to be reconciled to me.

Fourthly, I ask that you pray for two friends who I will not mention by name.

Lastly, I ask that you pray for Holy Mother Church that she be exalted and free to proclaim the Gospel of Christ (Last because it's the most important).

Thought of the Day

Thought of the day

My thoughts almost exactly: They were loved out the Church

Thought of the day

Just because I feel something does NOT obligate me to act upon it.

7/2 Time out Tuesday Vol 2.

LarryD at AOA hosts this...Here's Vol 2.

1. I tend to be very secretive, not because I have things to hide, simply because I don't want everyone all in my business. I will tell you what I want to tell you. That said, I nearly blew my cover the other day in conversation with a friend of mine. See, the thing is, I've very very very quietly thought of this friend as being someone that could potentially be someone more. Of course by putting this on public record, I've really blown my cover. I have many paradoxes.

2) Some neighbors have recently been blaring their stereos quite loudly. I thought my generation was the last to do that, and this generation had a bit of sense...I guess not. Fortunately, I've found a solution to this problem:

3) I'm in the process of writing a physics book. I'm a believer in the saying if want a job done well, do it yourself, so I am. Some of the wonderful gems to come out of this book are:

"If you ever state Newton's 2nd Law is F = ma, you'll get yelled at by a Russian Lady"

"Forget everything you've learned about physics, all of it is wrong."

And various other sarcastic remarks :)

7/2)...

Someone asked me, how did I become so "smart" in physics....I simply told them...Mrs. Makárova is responsible for me studying physics and being intrigued with the subject. Either that, or I spent hours upon hours reciting lectures to myself. I left it to them to figure out which one could be true...

Now it's your turn! Write, link to LarryD, and to me :D

Thought of the day

I'm avoiding the state of the Blame Bush Address...

Thought of the day

The USCCB, I hope didn't expect the government to play nice and grant an exemption for abortion and contraceptives when they asked that something be done about the healthcare system. This is what happens when you play ball with the government and assume they'll do good will. You lose. The girly approach of conversation isn't working. How about trying a more manly method next time?