Beware of the quiet ones, not necessarily because they are dangerous, but rather, they're the ones that are probably trying to out think everything.
So it often seems that I get bothered about this topic offline often enough, that I've decided to address it online.
Anyone that I've ever seen as a possible "more than friend" candidate or someone that could potentially lead to something down the road has hurt me. Some have done so more severely than others. I can't think of any exemption to this statement, and I'm not putting specifics in so I don't have to retract this :p.
Success in romance has been relatively minimal with respect to the whole. And unfortunately for me those situations that did happen did not end on good notes. (Me being hurt, not good). Nor is it possible for me to say that I felt called to a higher state during those times. That is to say, I didn't think that God was going to drag me away from the relationships to be a priest.
To say that I'm a broken soul would probably be a huge understatement. I've been through enough, and know myself well enough to know that healing will take time, but forgetting will not happen anytime soon. If we took the sum of every time that I have been broken hearted, let's just say the number is really really high.
Is it all a sign? I'm not so sure. That is to say, in each situation, it wasn't something where both people parted their separate ways due to a mutual agreement. It'd be one thing, if each situation was agreed upon, to point to something higher, but to be nearly "beaten" to the point of despair, I'd rather disagree.
If you've been paying any attention to this excuse of a blog, all of you know of my love of the Liturgical rites of the Church. I was intending to be bi-ritual even if I did get ordained. But at this point, I don't know what I am going to do.
There's some attraction to both vocations, and I can certainly say that one is stronger than the other.
I do know about the situation for seminary, that if it is I who must pay, then I will dictate where I go. Likely, I would send myself to Eastern Europe, Russia, Slovakia, or Belarus for seminary. (And I'd make Bishop say yes)....(Yes, My love for Eastern Europe still is there)
If I do ask for prayers, I really do need them, I'm not just saying it just because....so yes, keep praying for me.
Yes, I am still hurt by those that have hurt me (whether directly or indirectly, intentional or unintentional), no I am not dwelling on them, but I do take things rather personally. Apologies work, but only with appropriate action. I don't think it quite works just simply saying sorry for things and then doing nothing to fix the wrongs.
If things seem rather confusing, that's because well, they are....I'm not revealing anyone that I may (or may not) be interested in, or even which way I may be leaning, but I would like to ask for prayers...
Thanks for putting up with this rant.