Let's talk about some sensitive topics...

a. Choices versus the capacity to make these choices.

Ultimately the actions that we make are a result of free will. We're not puppets or minions, we have the ability to choose. Now, that said it's an entirely different situation our capacity to make these choices. There are various traumas that happen which result in the lessening of free will. (Hence why it is possible to become addicted to something)....this can be applied to any situation and does not require one to be "mentally ill" for this to happen. 

We can use this in the positive sense...For example, if I post a picture of a kitten here, it is likely your heart will be warmed and you'll seek to actually read this post in full...

In this rather cute example, using the image of baby animals is totally intended to get the "awwwws" out. If I repeatedly give pictures of cute animals, our minds may very well start to go, awww, I need one of these cute animals....(they do say that Cat stands for: Cute Adorable Thing)...some might call this positive brainwashing. ;)...Now obviously this example isn't perfect because there are those that hate animals. (Which I'd argue there's something wrong with them, but this is not the point)

In the negative we can take for example when someone gets hurt by another person. Those that have a certain temperament will more than likely hold on to this pain much longer and more than likely make their own lives with a much bigger cross by being the perpetual reminder of a particular pain towards a person, and likely shut out people who seek to heal that pain...

One may ask, why do I bring this topic up? I know all of us have recently heard about the death of Robin Williams (May his memory be eternal)...and there are many people approaching the problem of suicide....One such a post is here, I suggest that everyone actually read the post before jumping to conclusions based upon the title of the post.

There are some that say that all people who commit suicide are in hell and there is no hope for them at all. We most certainly know from our theology that a mortal sin has to have 3 conditions: 1. grave matter 2. sufficient knowledge and 3. full consent of the will and ALL three must be met to be a mortal sin. We can speak of something being objectively sinful most certainly, but we do not know the state of the person's mind or soul when making certain decisions, so as an act of mercy we should indeed pray for them.

The act of killing oneself is most certainly a choice...One can choose to do it, or one can choose to not do it. Now that said, the capacity to make that choice is an entirely different issue. Now I didn't major in psychology (despite physics sounding similar) but I'm pretty sure something has to be off mentally, for someone to make that decision to kill oneself. I imagine it'd be rare for a person to have full conscious access to their faculties to do that. One can argue there were different things that got to Mr. Williams to lead him towards this state, while a choice, it was made under duress or stress so it can't be said to have full consent of the will so to speak. So to condemn Mr. Williams I think would be the wrong thing to do. 

Mental illness is indeed a real thing, and something that people shouldn't joke about at all. And while I don't think all things are mental illnesses, I do think it's something that needs to be explored more to really understand what's going on. 

I can speak to a bit of a personal experience. I lost an aunt to suicide many years ago. I was a wee young person at the time. (The first of many deaths that I'd experience in my teenage years). I don't wish to go into much detail, but I'll say I really don't believe that if my aunt had full capacities that she would have done something like that. So really, I do believe that people that commit suicide, while objectively can be treated...their individual situations can't be treated as such. 

May God have mercy on Robin Williams, and may perpetual light shine upon him. 

b. Holding Grudges

By no means am I perfect and do I ever wish for y'all to think that I am. I'm but a sinner doing my best to cooperate with graces given to me, unfortunately, I fail a ton. A problem I'm rather known for is being the one person you can't cross or hurt. Whether it comes across as the look of death, or my quite fire like temper, it is rather well known if you do something to hurt me, or cross me, t won't be forgotten and justice will be given "in due time"...Unfortunately, it's one of the faults for the melancholic-choleric personality temperaments. 

As I've stated before, I'm no where near ready to re-consider applying.....quite frankly, I felt very wrong and treated unjustly in the last situation, and to me, the wounds are still rather fresh. (And no, I will not go into specific aspects of what the injustices were) (No, that does not mean I'm absolving myself from my own faults)...I find it extremely difficult to let things go. Letting God fine, forgiving, fine, letting the incident go? Absolutely not, not until retribution has been done for the actions done...puts a whole new meaning to restless soul doesn't it? 

The above basically means absolutely no compromising whatsoever. It might get me in a lot of trouble, but I'd much rather stand up or what is right, defend it until the end, explain myself, versus bow down and be a pushover. Hey, if I can get a professor fired for calling me stupid, I'm pretty sure messing with me is probably the wrong thing to do....As I say, I don't like to fight per se, but don't expect me to bow down (except before God)....

I've spent the past couple of days on a personal prayer reflection time, and I realize I have a lot to go and a lot of growing to do. I don't kid when I say pray for me, it's difficult for me...more difficult than I could ever express in words. 

Pax Vobis