It was on this day, and at this time, when my mum passed away, 15 years ago. As I mention often times enough, of course in your charity if you can offer prayers for me, my mum, and my family, I'd be much appreciative of it.....
Much often times, I say, like it was yesterday is a lived reality, not some hyperbolic expression. There are some days of course which are easier than others, and some days where near break downs happen, I'd like to say that the new normal is so not normal, it takes stability and tosses it to the side.
15 years after the fact, it's not any easier than it was when it first happened. I suppose that now with age comes some slight attempt at wisdom. But more often times, it's battling the feelings of why then, why at that point in my life, and battling the anger and wrath that often goes through my head, and certainly this year with the death of my aunt, it's been not any easier.
A lot of people will point to the story of Job, and how he lost everything....and still kept faithfulness. I am no where near that holy (nor pretend to be so), I often tend to think the saints were much more human than we're lead to believe....and probably had their doubts and fights with God as well.
Of course, I'm still at Sunday Liturgy, and weekday Liturgy whenever possible, but some days it's extremely hard to keep a staight face. I'm still very Catholic, even if barely climbing the ladder of holiness. I think back to all the times that mum did not let me go explore with my friends who weren't Catholic for Sunday Mass, every Sunday we went. (Even if it meant literally dragging me :p)
To say that she's missed is an understatement. There are many big events that are coming, and although I know that she's watching from above, it's not the same without her here. It's not like there's way to call and hear her voice again. It's kind of difficult, especially thinking of the big M's (Marriage and movement)
May mum's memory be eternal and she have blessed repose.
O Lord, in your goodness, remember your servants and forgive whatever sins they committed in their life for no one is sinless but you alone. You have the power to grant rest to the departed.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and forever Amen.
With the saints, O Chrisat, give rest to your servants, where there is no pain, sorrow, nor mourning, but life everlasting.